Q: I watch other riders and think everyone else is so much better than me. How do I stop comparing myself and feeling inadequate?

A: Comparison is called the ‘thief of joy’ for good reason. It’s also remarkably unproductive. You’re comparing your internal experience (all your doubts, mistakes, and struggles) with other people’s external appearance (which often looks more polished than they feel inside). This creates a distorted picture where everyone else seems effortlessly competent while you feel like you’re barely managing.

First, recognise that you’re almost certainly wrong about how well others are coping. That rider who looks calm and confident? They might be having a private panic attack. The person who just rode beautifully? They’re probably thinking about the three mistakes they made that you didn’t even notice. Everyone struggles; not everyone shows it.

Shift from comparative thinking to self-referential thinking. Instead of ‘I’m not as good as her,’ ask ‘Am I better than I was three months ago?’ Your only meaningful comparison is with your own past performance. Progress is what matters, not your ranking relative to others.

When you catch yourself comparing, actively redirect. Thought: ‘She’s so much better than me.’ Redirect: ‘She’s ridden that movement really well. What can I learn from watching her?’ Transform comparison into a learning opportunity rather than self-criticism.

Remember that everyone is on their own journey, at their own pace, with different advantages and challenges. Someone who looks like a natural might have been riding since age three with unlimited access to training and schoolmasters. Someone struggling might be working with limited resources, a difficult horse, or physical challenges you can’t see. You don’t know their full story, so comparison is meaningless.

Focus on your ‘why.’ Why do you ride? For most people, it’s not to be better than others—it’s for the joy of partnership with horses, the satisfaction of improvement, the challenge of mastering a difficult skill. When you connect with your personal motivation, other people’s performance becomes irrelevant.